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Not Quite Right

crows in a tree

I have not been feeling quite right lately. Can’t say I’m sick exactly… just off: lightheaded a bit and dizzy, and I can’t shake it.

My ears are always ringing, and sometimes get full with pressure, and I get motion sickness too easily. I know my dad had vertigo, so that’s what I’m thinking this is. I’ve been doing a little research and it may be something like Meniere’s Disease. That’s when small calcium crystals in your ears move to a different place in the ear canal, causing mixed signals to the brain, making one feel dizzy or nauseas.

crows in a tree
Crows in a tree at dusk.

There is something call the Epley Maneuver that I plan to try today. If I can find relief, I will certainly report back! I’m a little excited to try it, but nervous about getting too dizzy trying it.

It’s either that, or it’s some sort of liver detox. The only other time I feel this icky is when I’m detoxing – but I’m not doing any special diet right now other than my regular food. I don’t drink or do hard drugs anymore, but I feel like I just took something and I haven’t peaked yet. That going up the rollercoaster feel, before reaching the top – just before the big fall. I don’t like it at all.

So now I’m a bit panicked too. Not having insurance makes real healthcare difficult to pursue. I’ve been looking into applying for insurance for the new year, but all we can afford premium-wise starts with a minimum of $11K deductible before any savings will occur. I will never spend that much on doctors in a year – I just don’t have that kind of money. That’s almost 1000 dollars a month – plus a several hundred a month just for premiums (at reduced rate).

Not sure how to roll here. I’ve never had insurance – except for the few years I was homeless and pregnant or with a toddler living in a van, which was fully covered. Plus, when I have gone to a doctor for these type of situations (nausea or pain), they test me for pregnancy and prescribe some sort of antidepressant. Regardless that my tubes are tied and I’m not depressed. I do not want to pay for insurance that only pays doctors who don’t do anything to help me.


I have never known of anyone who had an easy time figuring out their autoimmune issues with western medicine anyway. Plus I don’t really feel like going to see doctors during this Covid outbreak! So… I guess I made my decision and will wait another year before paying big Insurance for the right to see a doctor and go bankrupt for it.

If I can clear this vertigo myself, I will feel much better about this decision. I can still change my mind – I still have 3 days to decide. I’m really curious about those who always have insurance no matter what… how do you pay the premiums and still have enough to cover a deductible? Is it only for emergency situations? Do your doctors treat you holistically? Do they give you more than 5 minutes and massive condescension? Is it really worth the thousands you spend a month? I would rather pay a little more in taxes and have universal health care for all. Wouldn’t that be an amazing wish come true?!?… Maybe if Georgia can vote 2 more Dems into the Senate! Fingers crossed!


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